last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
