here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
