Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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