yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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