Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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