I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
