If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
