Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
