a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
