I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
