Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
