New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
