butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
