I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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