I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't deserve a penis
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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