everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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