capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
