Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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