You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
