I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
