Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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