it was like eating out sand paper
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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