I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize