Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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