I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
