I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
