The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
