i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
