Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
