Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Two words: nipple clamps
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