I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize