Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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