haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
