When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
