Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
