if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize