we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
