can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
