Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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