found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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