the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
