shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
