You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
