We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
