Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
