Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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