Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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