Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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