when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
