he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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