nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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