The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude i'm inner monologue high
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
