Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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