I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
