Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
