Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
