i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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