i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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