Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
