so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
