dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
