I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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