hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
